There’s no spiritual, emotion and physical health without mental health. Man fellowship with God through the spirit but this happen through the soul. The soul constitutes the mind, will and emotions; the mind has the conscious, sub-conscious and unconscious. For us to focus and fellowship with the lord, our unconscious mind which is 80% of the mind has to be in a healthy state. The inner child therefore is that part of the mind that retains its innocence, creativity and wonders towards life. Most times the wounds start from the womb during pregnancy and when we are born.
Causes of wounded inner child
1. Trauma during pregnancy
Whatever experiences expectant mothers go through affect unborn babies and when they are born, their inner child is wounded. Emotional and physical distress i.e physical abuse by spouses, nutrition, and financial frustration all affect the unborn babies.
2. Childhood Trauma
Several childhood experiences traumatize children hence their inner child is wounded. Childhood trauma is caused by many factors;
Buttering children. Children who are severally punished by buttering or even just anger from parents, relatives and guardians end up emotionally broken and sometimes with low self-esteem hence a wounded inner child.
Emotionally unavailable Parents. Most times parents delegate their roles and responsibilities to househelps who can’t attend to all needs of children. In circumstances where the parents are available, there are no emotional bonding between parents and children. In such families, children grow in fear.
No affection. Some children are raised without love and affection and they become adults portraying the same element.
Molestation. Sexual abuse changes both the mental and physical state of children.
Early Sexual Exposure.
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Divorce. Separation of parents communicates no trust to children.
Burdensome responsibility. Circumstances where children assume responsibilities early like providing for parents, looking after themselves etc. wounds the inner child.
If there was no safety needs. Hard situations where necessities like food, clothes, shelter were hard to provide. Poverty damages the inner child as it communicates survival mentality.
Deliberate name calling
Calling children improper and belittling names most times lowers their self-esteem.
Abuse
Not allowing children to have opinions of their own, limitations and discouragement from playing.
Shamed by parents
Parents tend to shame their children by calling them negative names and abuse in public. Some parents make their children responsible for their happiness. In that way children don’t mature but become parent pleasers. Sometimes they want their children to become like them in career, likes and dislikes.
3. Neglect
This is in levels;
Emotional neglect. When we don’t validate the feelings of our children. Once children are wounded they won’t have boundaries; too much or less is expressed which brings low self-worth.
Psychological neglect. Failure to listen, nurture and embrace the inner child. Children are nurtured and shown boundaries. Once the child is not nurtured and shown boundaries they develop safety- seeking behaviors like addiction. What we see is not insanity but they are medicating a physical pain.
Physical neglect. Once we are neglected physically, we develop an intense safety-seeking behavior for instance obsession with certain behaviors and activities i.e. extreme cleanliness, risk taking etc., sometimes we are abused because of physical appearance i.e. skin color, body features and others get involved in prostitution, unprotected sex and addiction. Physical pain leads to addiction. Children/victims of drug abuse usually use addiction as a response to underlying problem.
4. Financial crisis
Children that come from families that struggled with safety needs most times have a wounded inner child as a result of poverty.
5. Family dynamics
Polygamous families have disorganized set up, most people develop safety behaviors for instance some children report siblings to gain favor. Children born in the middle are always neglected while the first and last are sorted. These children struggle a lot as they become competitive to prove themselves.
Consequences of having a wounded inner child
We all have an inner wounded child including Jesus. In Matthew 18:1-2, Jesus talked about a child who is not wounded. We should be the child with innocence and wonder towards life.
Wounded inner child triggers depression, anxiety, low self-esteem and destructive patterns, illness like diabetes, cancer, heart disease etc. in some families with recurring illnesses , there was a problem of wounded inner child. The illnesses are transferred to the unborn babies through anger triggered by hormones. A lot of tension/anxiety affected the person.
The purpose of Psychotherapy
The purpose is to bring awareness to unconscious part that we don’t know;
Acknowledgement of the existing problem. Don’t be in denial Psalms 51.5.
Do inner child work. Get in contact, understand and embrace the inner child. Accept healing of the inner child and be positive. The inner child represents our first original self. It has capacity to experience life, innocence, positivity and playfulness.
Think about these questions
Do you in your deepest self-feel something is wrong with you?
Do you experience anxiety?
Are you a people pleaser?
Do you think you are a terrible sinner?
Are you rigid and a perfectionist?
Do you have trouble starting and finishing things?
Do you find yourself having sex even if you don’t want?
Are you afraid of people?
Are you a shamed of your self?
Do you distrust everyone?
Any one with these signs has a wounded inner child.
Renew our minds. Romans 12:2. God knew it was impossible to walk under the sun and not have a wounded inner child. We must acknowledge it and start the process of healing. We are called not to be conformed to the pattern of the world but to be pure. Also to be transformed by renewing of our minds not to camouflage to the world.
Use the word of God to meditate.
Make Jesus your friend Isaiah 1:18. Tell Him everything including healing of your inner child.
Love of God. Matthew 22:37, Jesus talks about the greatest commandment. Love God with all your heart, soul and mind.
How can we love God with a wounded inner child, where there’s no trust? Lets expose ourselves to Jesus and He will heal us.
